Plankton: Across the Seven Seas

I just finished the first part of the pilot to my new spin-off. Tell me what you think of it so far, maybe throw in a prediction or two. I'm open to all opinions.

Warning: Rated PG for some objectionable humor (you'll see what I mean)

Narrator: Previously on SpongeBob SquarePants:

(SpongeBob and Patrick run into the Chum Bucket and look around.)

SpongeBob: Plankton?

Karen: (rolls into the room) He's on vacation. What is it you need?

SpongeBob: I just wanted to know if you saw who robbed the Krusty Krab.

Karen: I am a computer. I can't [/i]see[/i] anything.

SpongeBob: Well, thanks anyway, Karen. Come on, Patrick. We have music to face.

(Bubble transition to a bus stop. It's night and it's raining. A bus speeds by, and Plankton is left over wearing a hat and holding a suitcase.)

Plankton: Nothing clears the mind better than a week with the relatives.

(Plankton stuffs his hat into his suitcase and starts walking to the Chum Bucket.)

Plankton: I have enough evil plans now to last me a lifetime! Mr. Krabs won't know what hit him!

(Plankton stops abrubtly. The Chum Bucket is shown with a giant "Closed" sign in front of it.)

Plankton: What the...? KAREN! (taps his foot) Oh wait, she doesn't have legs.

(Plankton walks into the restaurant and sees Karen in sleep mode.)

Plankton: AWAKEN, YOU WORTHLESS CALCULATOR!

Karen: (waking up) It's nice to see you again, too, Plankton.

Plankton: What is going on here? That closed sign is going to turn off potential customers.

Karen: Potential customers? That's rich.

Plankton: (angrily) Don't make me dismantle you!

Karen: Alright, don't get your diapers in a bunch.

Plankton: (crosses arms) I'll have you know that I stopped wearing diapers 10 months ago!

Karen: I know. I'm the one who changes you.

Plankton: (scratches chin) Oh, right. Well, get on with it! Why's there a closed sign out front?

Karen: Because the restaurant is closed.

Plankton: (waves arms wildly) ACCORDING TO WHO?

Karen: According to the government.

Plankton: What?

Karen: Here. They left a note.

(Karen prints out a letter, which Plankton rips out and reads.)

Plankton: Dear valued citizen, blah blah blah blah, yadda yadda, yup yup. What kind of foreign langauge is this?

Karen: It's government language, sweetie. Just run it through my Government to English tranlator and I'll read it for you.

(Plankton puts the letter back into Karen and the text "Dear valued citizen, blah blah blah blah, yadda yadda, yup yup." appears on the screen.)

Karen: Begin message. Dear walking tax dollars, it has come to our attention that you have been operating a fast food restaurant with an expired business license. So you don't start getting the idea that you actually live in a democracy, we have no option but to come over and shut your restaurant down. With love, the government. End message.

Plankton: (rips off antennas) This is horrible! How am I going to run Krabs out of business without a business to run him out of business with?

Karen: Plankton, maybe this all was a sign.

Plankton: A sign that I shouldn't go 7 years without renewing my licenses?

Karen: Well, yeah. But also a sign that you should quit worrying about Mr. Krabs.

Plankton: But I'm this close to getting him. My next plan can't fail!

Karen: That's what you said about your last 468 plans.

Plankton: Geez, has it been that long? I mean, get off my back, woman! If I can't run Krabs out of business by selling Krabby Patties, I'll figure out another way to do it!

Karen: (rolls eyes) Of course you will.

Plankton: I will, gosh darn it!

Policeman: (from outside) Who's in there?

Plankton: Oh, shoot! It's the po po! I've gotta get out of here!

Policeman: Stay right where you are!

(Plankton slips into a mouse hole as the policeman breaks the door down.)

Policeman: Hello? (points his gun at Karen)

Karen: I am a computer. I cannot speak.

Policeman: Well, then it must have just been the wind. (walks out) Indoor winds. Who'd have thunk it?

Karen: You can come out from hiding now.

(Plankton peeks out from the mouse hole then fully departs.)

Plankton: Now, where was I?

Karen: You were telling me how you'd figure out another way to get your butt kicked by Mr. Krabs.

Plankton: Oh, right! Yes, I've got it now. And it's delightfully devious. (laughs maniacally) Also, shut up.

(Cut to the Krusty Krab. Plankton is carrying a rolled-up sheet of paper and tape. He puts the items on the ground, runs offscreen, and comes back with a ladder. He picks the stuff up, walks up the ladder, and tapes the paper to the door. He then walks down the ladder and runs offscreen. He walks back onscreen with the "Closed" sign, which he proceeds to stick into the ground. He jumps on top of the sign, continues jumping to get it deeper in, and laughs while he does so. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.)

(Cut back to the Chum Bucket.)

Plankton: As you see from that unnecessarily long action, Karen, I plan to make Krabs think the government shut his restaurant down. He'll have no choice but to surrender!

Karen: I've come up with exactly 94 scenarios for this plan's failure.

Plankton: I've come up with exactly one scenario for your system's failue. Me shutting it off!

(Plankton unplugs Karen.)

Plankton: See? I can be clever, too. Ha ha ha ha ha. (bends head left and right for each "ha")

(Plankton jumps to the window and sees Mr. Krabs walking down the street and humming "Blow the Man Down")

Plankton: Looks like he's here!

(Plankton runs over to the Krusty Krab and hides in a nearby bush.)

Mr. Krabs: (spots the sign) Shiver me timbers!

SpongeBob: (running down street) I'm ready-eddy-eddy-eddy-huh?

(SpongeBob catches up with Mr. Krabs, who's reading the note.)

SpongeBob: Why's there a closed sign out front, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: According to this letter, the government shut us down!

SpongeBob: (looks at the note) I can't make any sense of this!

Mr. Krabs: It's government language, boy! You'd have to be some kind of an idiot to not know that!

(Plankton clears his throat.)

SpongeBob: Did you hear something?

Mr. Krabs: This isn't the time to worry about ghosts, lad! We have bigger problems at hand!

SpongeBob: (shrugs) Why's the governemt shutting us down, anyway?

Mr. Krabs: Apparantly, our license is expired. Didn't I tell you to keep that thing up to date?

SpongeBob: But I did!

Mr. Krabs: The blahs don't lie, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: (crying) I'm sorry! This is all my fault!

Mr. Krabs: Of course it's all your fault! I should have never trusted you! Now we're all out of work!

SpongeBob: Can't you just buy a new license?

Mr. Krabs: (points at himself) Do I look like I'm made of money?

(Cut to a close-up of Mr. Krabs in which his head is literally a pile of money with eyes.)

SpongeBob: I...I don't know! (cries again)

Mr. Krabs: Your tears aren't going to bring me restraunt back. Man up!

Squidward: (walks onscreen with a disturbingly large grin) So, the government finally shut your illegal operation down, huh?

Mr. Krabs: Put a sock in it, big nose!

Squidward: Gladly. (walks offscreen laughing)

Mr. Krabs: Well, if you need me, I'll be selling drugs in the alleyway. (follows Squidward offscreen)

SpongeBob: (sniffs) Goodbye...Krusty Krab. (follows Mr. Krabs offscreen with his head down)

(Plankton just stands in the bushes with his mouth gaping open for the next few minutes.)

Plankton: I...did it. I finally put my archenemy out of business! Oh, gosh! I've never felt such joy in my life! Whoopee!

(As Plankton dances in excitement, a hobo walks in front of the bush and looks around. Seeing that the coast is clear, he unzips.)

Plankton: (looks up) Wait a minute! No! Don't!

(Water is heard sprinkling as the hobo breathes a sigh of relief. Plankton screams the whole time.)

(Cut to the Chum Bucket. Plankton walks in with yellow stuff dripping from him. He dries himself off with a napkin and turns Karen back on.)

Plankton: So, I was just given a golden shower.

Karen: Congratulations. How did the plan go?

Plankton: It worked perfectly, in fact. Mr. Krabs is finally out of business. What do you have to say to that?

Karen: Great job. It only took you 20 years.

Plankton: (scoffs) Haters gonna hate.

Karen: Well, don't let me interrupt your party, certified gangsta.

Plankton: Whatever! Now that Mr. Krabs is gone, I can finally sit back, relax, and enjoy my life as a college-educated person who went to college.

Karen: That joke's not old.

Plankton: It will never get old, Karen! Recognize!

(Bubble transition to the park. "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong begins to play. Plankton is jumping from flower to flower in a meadow with a blissful look on his face. In the middle of a jump, a worm catches him in his teeth. Bones are heard breaking as Plankton screams bloody murder.)

(Cut to SpongeBob's house. He's laying nonchalantly in his bed, playing paddleball.)

SpongeBob: Just 9,998,559,671,349-48-47 to go.

Gary: (groans) Me-ow.

(Cut to the park's swingset. Plankton is sitting on one of the swings, attempting to move it, to no avail. A very large child walks onscreen, and thinking that Plankton's swing is available, jumps right on. Plankton screams again.)

(Cut to Squidward's house. He paints a portrait of himself and sighs peacefully, then throws the portrait into a trash can filled with others.)

(Cut to a mini-golf course. Plankton manages to make a hole in one. While he's cheering, the camera zooms out to show that he's in a larger hole in a larger mini-golf course. Nat's playing in that golf course, and he manages to make a hole in one. More screaming ensues.)

(Cut to Patrick's rock. Patrick wakes up with his stomach grumbling.)

Patrick: I wonder if Squidward locks his house at night... (the music stops playing)

(Cut to the Chum Bucket. Plankton, wearing a full-body cast, jumps in.)

Karen: How was the park?

Plankton: (furious) HOW DO YOU THINK IT WAS?

Karen: Wow, you sure are loud for someone with crushed lungs.

Plankton: (lays down in a bed and groans) Is a nice day at the park too much to ask for?

Karen: When you're the primary antagonist of the show, yes.

Plankton: But what's the point of being an antagonist when you have nobody to antagonize? There is none! With Krabs out of business, my only purpose in life is to be worm food! (raises an arm with bite marks on it)

Karen: Goodness, Plankton. Even when you aren't a complete loser, you just can't stop whining.

Plankton: But it's not fair. Even when I should be happy, I'm completely miserable.

Karen: What makes you happy, Plankton? That's what you need to know.

Plankton: What makes me happy? Going after that cheapskate all the time, sending his world for a spin, making sure he doen't have a day of rest. It's fun, it's reliable, it's something I've just completely screwed up! (cries)

Karen: If you want to annoy Mr. Krabs so badly, just tell him what you did. You two will be bickering like children again in no time.

Plankton: Honesty? No way! That goes against my code!

Karen: What code?

Plankton: My...code. You know. It's...used for...things.

Karen: You're not making any sense.

Plankton: You just wouldn't understand, Karen. It's a guy thing. And a flesh and blood thing. So, telling the truth is out. (thinks for a second) But don't worry, Karen. I have a plan that will satisfy my villianous urges and keep Krabs on the streets!

Karen: (monotonous) Please, oh wonderous husband. Tell me what your magnificent plan is.

Plankton: I will! Now, you may remember the famous Imitation Krabs I built some time ago.

Karen: Go on.

Plankton: Well, I'm rebuilding it, this time without that pesky coin-operated self-destruct and with...

(Plankton struggles out of his bed, jumps to his cabinet, and pulls a test tube filled with a red liquid out from it.)

Plankton: The DNA of Ol' Eugene Krabs himself! (laughs maniacally)

Karen: (pauses) Why were you storing Mr. Krabs' DNA in your cabinet?

Plankton: I don't tell you how to live your life, Karen! Anyway, once my wounds heal, I will begin work on what will undoubtably be my GREATEST PLAN EVER!

(Plankton begins to laugh maniacally again. Thunder booms and lightning flashes.)

(Cut to commercial.)

I've been so lazy the last few days that I've got maybe a tenth of the second part finished. I'll have to postpone this for a good while. Sorry about that.