Clappy's Monthly Movie Forecast

I figure that once a month, I will give my two cents on the movies that are coming out this month. No need to worry if you are confused by the concept because I am going to be doing the August 2011 forecast in this very first post, even though we are already 1/3 of the way through August. Note that I'm only doing mainstream releases. Why? Because its funnier to make fun of mainstream cinema instead of independent.

August 5
Rise of the Planet of the Apes - This comes just 10 years after the release of Tim Burton's remake of Planet of the Apes. While it may have raked in a ton of cash, Tim Burton's remake was a franchise killer. Of course these days, the cure for a franchise killer is a reboot. This reboot looks amazing, even though the outcome is quite obvious. Apes will take over the world, but at least it sounds like we are going to enjoy watching apes overpower us. This is one of the best reviewed movies of the summer and I am without a doubt going to see this sooner rather than later.

The Change-Up - From the director of The Wedding Crashers and the writers of The Hangover. How many times have we heard those statements before? That doesn't save this from being dreck, which is what word of mouth is saying. It also doesn't help that this is the bajillionth R rated comedy to come out this year. I know that Jason Bateman is funny and Olivia Wilde and Ryan Reynolds are sexy, but that doesn't save this movie from its crude looking script.

August 12
30 Minutes or Less - FUCK. YES. My most anticipated movie release this month. Why? Because its from the same team that brought us Zombieland. One of my favorite movies of the past couple years. This looks like a legit funny action comedy. The only things going against it is its alleged short running time and the huge amount of R rated comedies that have been released in the past month. Otherwise, I can't wait to see it this weekend.

Final Destination 5 - I really don't give a crap. I liked one and three was alright but I hated two and four. This is from the same guys that made two and four, so I know this is going to be bad. I don't care about the twist of killing other people to save yourself. I am not really intrigued by some of the out of the ordinary deaths from the preview. Sorry to see you die Champ Kind from Anchorman, but I'd rather not sit through this dreck again knowing what I know now.

The Help - A period drama of a crusading reporter attempting to expose unfair working conditions amongst black housekeepers in the 1960s. While I love love love Emma Stone, this movie really doesn't look like my cup of tea. It has a lot going for it and will probably be really popular in Southern states, similar to The Blind Side's reaction, I just don't think I will watch it.

Glee 3D Concert Movie - The title says it all. If you are a fan of Glee, you will probably want to go see this. If not, you probably won't. Unless you aren't a fan of the third dimension, which you won't bother at all. Bottom line: Just another 3D concert film about a popular fad.

August 19
Spy Kids 4D - Personal opinions aside (see that in the solo thread), this Robert Rodriguez trying to breath life into a franchise that has been dead for almost a decade. While there are likeable actors in this film (Jeremy Piven and Joel McHale), having Jessica Alba as one of your main focal points isn't going to drive butts into the seats. If other Jessica Alba movies haven't pointed out already, she is just not drawing power. I'm not hating on her, she is very attractive. She just isn't a good actress. That being said, I do think that this will be lucky to come anywhere close to half of what Spy Kids 3D made, meaning 50 million.

Conan The Barbarian - Let's just get this out of the way early. Jason Momoa will never reach the accomplishments of Arnold Schwarzenegger. That being said, that is what made the original famous. For being a launching pad for Ahnuld. The original source material was lulzy stuff and I don't think the brand Conan The Barbarian has any real meaning to be a movie franchise. This remake honestly looks like 300 and Clash of the Titans had an unwanted offspring. I seriously hope this movie fails.

Fright Night - The third 3D movie being released this weekend. I honestly don't look forward to remakes of movies, but this is one that I am actually looking forward to. They have a good cast in place (except for McLovin, I just can't take him seriously as an actor outside of Superbad), the director has some good credibility on his movie resume (a bunch of good indy films like Lars and The Real Girl), and Colin Farrell is one of my favorite actors (what I already talked about the cast? Oh well). Hopefully this is as good as the trailers are making it out to be. A vampire movie I am actually looking forward to, who would have thought?

One Day - I seriously had to look this up when I saw it on the mainstream release schedule. It stars Anne Hathaway and my celebrity doppelganger Jim Sturgess. The plot says that they see each other on the same day every year twenty years in a row or so. I wish that I knew more about this movie, but the trailer looks kinda depressing as well. Melodramatic chick flick is all I can say. Probably won't have much of an impact on the box office because the studio releasing it never releases above 2000 screens.

August 26
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - Not to be fooled with the 90s Nick show with the somewhat similar name. This is from the studios that brought Insidious a couple months ago, has Guillermo Del Toro producing it, and stars Katie Holmes. Hey, two out of three ain't bad. This probably won't be as scary as Insidious based off early trailers, but this is still more intriguing than other horror films that have come out this year (Cheers to you The Roommate). I expect this to have a good opening, mainly since there has barely been any horror movies out in the past couple months. Unless you want to count The Smurfs in that category (sorry had to get that bad joke in).

Colombiana - Just have to get this out of the way now. I love Zoe Saldana. She is incredibly sexy and her voice is siren-like (yes even as a blue alien in Avatar). She is lucky to have associated herself with Luc Beeson, the guy who brought us the overrated, but pretty good action movie "Taken". However, the trailer doesn't really sell us much except for being a female assassin who is taking out bad guys due to her past history. I am seriously on the fence about this movie. It's one of those that I will have to wait for the reviews to come out, but I expect me to catch this on DVD more likely.

Our Idiot Brother - I love love love this cast. Paul Rudd, Zooey Deschanel, Rashida Jones, Adam Scott, Steve Coogan, Elizabeth Banks. Emily Mortimer. With all of this wonderful talent involved, it should equal a great movie, right? Unfortunately not in this case. The trailers look horrendous and this already premiered at Sundance to a very disappointing reaction. The Weinstein Company is barely airing any previews or commercials for it, so I think they don't expect much from this either. I will probably not catch this in theaters, but I am still a bit intrigued just because of that damn cast. xD


That is all the mainstream movie releases for the month of August. I will be back later in the month with the September forecast and I hope my comments will help some of you out.

Well September is almost among us, which means they are going to start rolling out either dreck movies or perennial Oscar bait. Nothing too exciting will come out until October, I guarantee that, but does that mean there is nothing good coming out? Read on to find out. Btw, this will be much different than the format last month.

September 2
Movie: Apollo 18
Trailer:
Comments: I think this is definitely the most intriguing movie coming out this weekend. The producer for this movie (Timur Bekmambetov) reminds me a lot of Tim Burton when it comes to picking projects. If you haven't seen any of the Russian Night Watch films, Wanted, or 9, all three are from the same guy. Will definitely check this out on DVD.

Movie: Shark Night
Trailer:
Comments: Already made a thread for this, unleashing hell, but to summarize my feelings in one sentence. This looks like one of the most loophole filed horror movies I have ever seen.
Thread: https://sbcommunity.forumotion.com/t3341-shark-night-in-3d

Movie: The Debt
Trailer:
Comments: Nothing much to say really. I like Helen Mirren and Sam Worthington is okay. However, this movie has been on the shelves for two years now and they are finally releasing it. Never a good sign from a film studio when they do that. The studios know that this movie probably sucks, so they are finally cutting ties with it by releasing it.

September 9
Movie: Contagion
Trailer:
Comments: Probably one of the few movies that I want to see in theaters this month. I mean Steven Soderbergh is one of the most intriguing directors working today. He always makes good movies, no matter how far fetched the plots tend to get. Plus, the cast for this looks grand: Matt Damon, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Marion Cotillard, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Winslet. Must see this!

Movie: Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star
Trailer:
Comments: Trying to find a nice way to put this. Looks like shit, probably is shit. Nick Swardson, why? You were actually funny, but now you are definitely trying to kill your career. Damn you Happy Madison.

Movie: Warrior
Trailer:
Comments: We’ve had wrestling movies, boxing movies, karate and kung fu movies, why not MMA? I think Tom Hardy has a very bright future ahead of him, but this just looks incredibly bland. I mean if you’ve seen one inspirational sports movie, you’ve seen them all. This doesn’t look any different.

September 16
Movie: I Don’t Know How She Does It
Trailer:
Comments: Pulling a woahwoah here, but this should be renamed to I Don’t Know How Sarah Jessica Parker Keeps Finding Work. She just can’t anchor a movie by herself. Sex and the City doesn’t count since it’s a name brand based off a monster hit tv series. Greg Kinnear and Pierce Bronsan are the only nice things I can say, but that’s stretching it.

Movie: Straw Dogs
Trailer:
Comments: Yay for remakes (sarcasm)! If you haven’t seen the original, its one hell of a blood, gore, rape fest. Not A Clockwork Orange bad, but pretty gruesome in its one ways. I don’t know if this remake will succeed in matching the amount of violence the original had. I will catch it on DVD though because this does look intriguing.

Movie: Drive
Trailer:
Comments: This is another one of those movies that was on the shelves for quite some time. I love Ryan Gosling. He is one of the most underrated actors working in Hollywood today, but I don’t think I can buy him as an action star. Maybe if this makes it to cable, I’ll watch it then. Otherwise, I just can’t see this being successful.

There is The Lion King being re-released in 3D as well this weekend, but its obvious that Disney is trying to make a quick couple million bucks by doing this, so I won’t acknowledge this.

September 23
Movie: Abduction
Trailer:
Comments: Already made a thread about this. Looks intriguing, but at the same time, I can’t buy into Taylor Lautner being a badass, thus making this more lulzy than serious.
Thread: https://sbcommunity.forumotion.com/t3424-abduction

Movie: Moneyball
Trailer:
Comments: Another sports movie. However, I find this one more intriguing. I remember quite well how Billy Beane was able to take a team with virtually no stars into the playoffs based off computer analysis and projections, instead of talent. I am catching this on DVD. While the trailers don’t excite me, Brad Pitt is an awesome actor, so that’s reason enough to watch this eventually.

Movie: Dolphin Tale
Trailer:
Comments: I can’t help but find this boring and dull, even if its suppose to be inspirational. I mean Morgan Freeman is one of the most epic actors to ever grace us, but he can do much better than this. Sorry Morgan. Your awesome voice can’t drive my butt to see this.

Movie: Killer Elite
Trailer:
Comments: If you’ve seen one Jason Statham movie, you’ve seen them all. The inclusion of Clive Owen and Robert DeNiro make this much more appealing, but its another mindless Jason Statham movie by the looks of it. I seriously wish he picked his projects better because Statham is a believable badass.

September 30
Note: This technically leaks into October, but I still consider these September movies.

Movie: What’s Your Number?
Trailer:
Comments: Comes off as a stereotypical chick flick where the girl is too hot to be alone. However, I love most of the talent involved. Anna Faris is pretty and funny. Chris Evans is a better actor than he gets credit for. Andy Samberg is one of my favorite comedy actors today. Dare I say it, I might have to go see this in theaters for a date night movie.

Movie: 50/50
Trailer:
Comments: At first glance, I thought eww Seth Rogen. However, this movie actually looks really good. Dare I say it, but its one of those serious comedies that could be a potential Oscar candidate. Jonathan Levine is a rising director (go see The Wackness, awesome movie) and this could be a surprise hit. Probably my most anticipated movie this month.

Movie: Dream House
Trailer:
Comments: With the talent involved (Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts), one would expect a much more intriguing movie. However, this looks far too generic. It feels like I have seen this movie before with The Others and even Insidious (except for it’s the house instead of the kid). Might check this out on DVD just for the talent alone.

Movie: Courageous
Trailer:
Comments: One of those Christian bait movies that everyone is recommended to see by your priests. Not all Christian bait movies are bad, but most of them focus on the meaning more than the writing, acting, etc. I think this looks somewhat promising and might catch this on DVD or cable.


Well that's all for this month. Next month will be more horror movies than anything else and perennial Oscar bait. Oh and some Hugh Jackman Real Steel fighting robot movie.

Wow, I don't recognize any of those movies. Good work!

Recognize all of these movies. May see some of them, not sure.

that70sguy92 wrote:Recognize all of these movies.

I feel dense now.

I thank you, Clappy, for all this juicy info. Might see Abduction.

Clappy wrote:August 5
Rise of the Planet of the Apes - This comes just 10 years after the release of Tim Burton's remake of Planet of the Apes. While it may have raked in a ton of cash, Tim Burton's remake was a franchise killer. Of course these days, the cure for a franchise killer is a reboot. This reboot looks amazing, even though the outcome is quite obvious. Apes will take over the world, but at least it sounds like we are going to enjoy watching apes overpower us. This is one of the best reviewed movies of the summer and I am without a doubt going to see this sooner rather than later.

I totally know the son of this movie's producers.