Cut, Slash, Gash, Slice

Coming this summer. More info coming this weekend.

CHARACTER NAMES (so far):

Rachel
Joel
Mary
Isaac
Whitney
Henry
Tara
Jason

Alright... I'll reveal one thing right now. The name:

Spoiler:

Not final. At all.

that70sguy92 wrote:Alright... I'll reveal one thing right now. The name:

Spoiler:

Not final. At all.

Sounds Emo. A little unsettling. I like.

tvguy347 wrote:

that70sguy92 wrote:Alright... I'll reveal one thing right now. The name:

Spoiler:

Not final. At all.

Sounds Emo. A little unsettling. I like.

Haha, why thank you. Still don't know if I'll stick with it though.

Character names coming soon!

First two character names:

Rachel
Joel

More character names:

Mary
Isaac
Whitney
Henry

First chapter coming within the next week or so.

Final name revealed!

Even Emo-er.

But I liked just Cut better. It had a more chilling ring to it.

Last 2 character names before the first chapter:

Tara
Jason

These aren't all the characters, just the names I'm revealing. First chapter coming soon.

Here's a summary of the first part of the first chapter:

Mary, a wholesome teenage girl, feels not-so-wholesome one night and goes to mess around with people on Omegle, maybe even flirt a little. But when the stranger she's talking to starts acting very strangely and even threatens her life, she becomes very concerned and fears for her life. And for good reason.

Double-post/bump to let everyone know that thoughts on that info are very welcomed, because it's not set in stone.

And here it is. Hope you guys like it!

Chapter One - Here We Go

"Goodbye, honey," Catherine Winstead told her daughter, Mary. "We'll be home in just a few hours. Call us if you need anything at all."

"Mom, I'm seventeen," Mary said. "I won't need anything. Enjoy your anniversary. Even... stay at a hotel, if you want to."

"Oh, Mary!" Catherine giggled.

"See you, honey," her father, Rodrick, said.

"Bye you guys."

Mary sat on the couch and searched for something on TV. All she saw on was a scary movie, and she hated that type of stuff. It was totally unnecessary violence in her opinion, and she would simply not have it. Instead she got on the computer in the living room and logged onto Facebook.

Immediately she started receiving messages from her friend Whitney Hale on the chat.

'so did u here about henry?' Whitney asked her on the chat.

'No. What about him?'

'hes goin out with that tara girl now. what a basterd, rite?'

'Whitney, you know I don't like language like that.'

'whatever'

'So what are you doing right now?'

'watching scream. its made-for-tv though, so all the good stuff is cut out.'

'Good stuff?'

'most of the gore, language, all that shit.'

'Come on, Whitney.'

'sorry sorry...... i always forget how pure u are, mary.'

'What do you mean?"

'everything..... the way u act, what u watch, just everything about you basiclyyy.. i mean, even the way u type is so propper.'

'Well SORRY.'

Mary logged off of Facebook, angry. She was so sick of people telling her she was too good, too Christian, too bland. Even her friends. It was the reason her boyfriend, Henry, broke up with her. They dated for two months and had their first kiss the week before he dumped her, but their relationship was moving far too slow for Henry, especially since their first (and only) kiss was merely a peck. People just didn't realize Mary had values and respect for herself, unlike many of them. She had goals and principles and she knew what she wanted in life.

But maybe she was wrong. Maybe it was okay to be a little bad sometimes. Maybe it was okay to let loose. So she decided to do something.

She had heard of some crazy website called Omegle, where you chat with random strangers, most of whom want to have cybersex. She decided that could be fun. It would be a way to be bad. She had to be bad once. Just once.

She logged on to the website and was immediately greeted by a reply:

Stranger: asl?

You (Mary): What?

Stranger: age sex location

You: Oh. Haha. I'm 17, female, and I live in this small town in California... you've probably never heard of it. It's pretty close to San Diego.

Stranger: no way, is it Hershway?

Mary felt a chill go down her spine.

You: How did you know that?

Stranger: idk. i guess im a good guesser

You: Do you live in Hershway too?

Stranger: yeah i do. maybe we could meet sometime

You: I don't think so...

Stranger: oh, why?

You: I don't know you.

Stranger: you might

You: I doubt it.

Stranger: i think u know me, mary.

Mary jumped and logged off. Who was that? Did he really know her? How'd he or she know where she lived? And how did they know her name? She was extremely scared. She got back on the computer to talk to someone else on Omegle, maybe that would make her a little less scared. She sure hoped it would.

Stranger: welcome back, mary

Mary screamed. It was the person she was talking to earlier. But how?

Stranger: video chat

You: No.

Stranger: now.

Mary changed it to video chat. She was greeted by someone wearing the famous Ghostface mask from Scream and a red cloak. She looked at the person's surroundings and noticed her next-door-neighbor's house... this person was in her yard.

"Open the window, Mary," said the cloaked figure. The voice was male and scratchy. Kind of sexy, but immensely frightening. Mary had a feeling this person was using a voice changer since they claimed to know her.

"No," she said, her voice shaky. She couldn't believe what was going on. It didn't seem possible.

"Mary, if you don't open the window I can just break it."

She started shaking with fear. "I don't believe you."

Then the window broke open and the figure was in her house. Mary screamed at the top of her lungs and started running. She got to the stairs and started running towards her room. She slammed the door shut and locked it, barricading it with shelves.

She saw a knife go through the door and screamed again. This person had weapons. Her cellphone was downstairs. She went to the homephone in her bedroom to find it was gone. She started to cry hysterically.

There was loud banging on the door, over and over. It never stopped. The person was going to get in and she knew it, but there was no escape. Her house was very old, and the bedroom had no windows. She was trapped.

The door opened and Mary's attacker pushed the furniture aside. The attacker lunged towards her but she immediately jumped out of the way. She started running back downstairs, planning to run out the front door, screaming for help or getting a phone. But she was in such a hurry she fell right down the stairs, twisting her ankle badly.

She struggled to get up, but eventually did so. She started limping towards the front door, but was grabbed by two gloved hands.

"Please," she sobbed. "Please."

"Sorry," the attacker said. "You're logging off now."

She was stabbed directly in the chest. The knife was pulled back out and put back in, then repeated.

The killer wiped the fresh blood off the knife with their gloves and walked out the back door. "Here we go."

---

So, what did you think? Let me know in this thread or in the Literature Reviews thread.

Great start! "You're logging off now" is one of the most evil lines I've seen on SBC.

Thanks Wumbo! Next chapter coming soon.

And seriously, the amount of views for this thing are INCREDIBLE.

Amazing start!

I look forward to reading more.

pretty good start 70s

"You're logging off now" is such an evil/nice line. And great start. I'm looking forward to more

Second chapter. Not quite as long or vital as the first, but I feel it works.

Chapter Two: The Discovery

Catherine and Rodrick Winstead were making their way home from their anniversary dinner.

"What do you think Mary did while we were gone?" Catherine asked inquisitively.

"I bet she just watched a movie on cable or something, or talked to one of her friends on the computer. Just like normal."

"I'm a little worried about her," Catherine said.

"Why, dear?"

"Well, ever since she broke up with Henry she seems different from all her friends. And I don't know why she broke up with Henry either. Did they... have sex?"

"Mary would never do that."

"But we don't know that for sure."

"I do," Rodrick said. "And as for her acting different, that's going to happen. She's a teenaged girl, Catherine. This is just all that drama that comes with the territory. We knew it was coming when we had her, you shouldn't be surprised."

"But she won't even talk to me about it."

"Of course she won't honey, you're her mother."

"But what's that supposed to mean?"

"Kids talk to their friends about these things, not their parents. Come on, you were a teenager once, you know this. No need to worry."

"I guess you're right."

"I am," Rodrick laughed.

The two pulled into their driveway, and walked out of the car. They walked in the house, and Rodrick immediately noticed the long trail of blood.

"Shit," he said under his breath, but tried to keep his cool for Catherine. But that was of no use.

Catherine gave off a blood curdling scream and pointed to the body of their daughter on the floor, covered in blood and surrounded by broken glass.

"Call the police," Rodrick said promptly, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. "Now."

"No!" Catherine cried. "I have to stay here with my baby!"

And so Rodrick went to the phone and called the police, softly crying.

Its good, I liked the first chapter. I really like the "You're logging off" line that everyone is praising.

Btw, your view count was already at 250 something before you even started posting the chapters (I actually noticed that because I thought the view count was ridiculously high xD).

The second chapter was a bit meh. I mean it was ok, just too much talking and not enough action. Waiting for the third chapter.

Review on 1st and 2nd Chapters

Overall Grade: D-

Plot: I really didn't like the plot at all. :/ It seemed like something right out of Scream. It wasn't very original, and I was just bored. I've seen this before, it's been done. You're very original, but this just wasn't. I know you're extremely cable, but I felt this was just... I hate to say it, but half-assed. I don't think this rises up to your potential. It just fell flat for me, and was just bad. I'd like something really original, fun to read, and something that we're not savvy to, which I know you're capable of. The first chapter was so short, and it follows Scream exactly, with a first murder to start everything off. I know you can do so much more. This, however, will probably turn into a Scream carbon-copy, given the teenaged cast. :/ I expected so much more... F

Characters: These characters felt kind of cardboard, except for Whitney. It annoyed me how Mary so suddenly has a change of heart and decides to be 'bad.' It just fits too perfectly, on how she decides to go onto the chatting site, and the killer happens to be outside. I just didn't like it. But because Whitney did seem authentic, she alone saves this category from getting an F. D-

Dialogue: The dialogue was better, as much of your dialogue is. I especially loved Whitney's dialogue, as it really captured how a badass teen may act. A solid A, for me. A

Chapters: I honestly didn't like either chapter very much. The second one felt just like when the parents come home and discover their daughter dead in Scream, and the first one felt similar to Scream as well. But, yet again, Mary's discussion with Whitney saves this category from getting an F. I'd really like to see more development, and less copying, violence, and crummy suspense. Oh, the suspense! There was none. Everything was rushed and if this is supposed to be a horror, it's a wannabe horror at best. D-

Overall Verdict: I really need to see an improvement in this in order for me to keep reading. Longer chapters, development (no more cardboard characters please!), originality (strong point on this), and more suspense! But so far, this is really laughable. Overall Grade: D-

P.S. I think the reason you have so many views is because you're a brand name; you did with two chapters what people have done with a whole series. =P

tvguy, I see all of your points, and I assure you that's actually intentional and will pay off later.

What the fuck...? How did your thread just suddenly jump almost a hundred views in a matter of, like, a few minutes? I just checked this thread a few minutes ago, and it was at like 390. o.o

tvguy347 wrote:What the fuck...? How did your thread just suddenly jump almost a hundred views in a matter of, like, a few minutes? I just checked this thread a few minutes ago, and it was at like 390. o.o

lol, I have no clue.

tvguy347 wrote:Review on 1st and 2nd Chapters

Overall Grade: D-

Plot: I really didn't like the plot at all. :/ It seemed like something right out of Scream. It wasn't very original, and I was just bored. I've seen this before, it's been done. You're very original, but this just wasn't. I know you're extremely cable, but I felt this was just... I hate to say it, but half-assed. I don't think this rises up to your potential. It just fell flat for me, and was just bad. I'd like something really original, fun to read, and something that we're not savvy to, which I know you're capable of. The first chapter was so short, and it follows Scream exactly, with a first murder to start everything off. I know you can do so much more. This, however, will probably turn into a Scream carbon-copy, given the teenaged cast. :/ I expected so much more... F

Characters: These characters felt kind of cardboard, except for Whitney. It annoyed me how Mary so suddenly has a change of heart and decides to be 'bad.' It just fits too perfectly, on how she decides to go onto the chatting site, and the killer happens to be outside. I just didn't like it. But because Whitney did seem authentic, she alone saves this category from getting an F. D-

Dialogue: The dialogue was better, as much of your dialogue is. I especially loved Whitney's dialogue, as it really captured how a badass teen may act. A solid A, for me. A

Chapters: I honestly didn't like either chapter very much. The second one felt just like when the parents come home and discover their daughter dead in Scream, and the first one felt similar to Scream as well. But, yet again, Mary's discussion with Whitney saves this category from getting an F. I'd really like to see more development, and less copying, violence, and crummy suspense. Oh, the suspense! There was none. Everything was rushed and if this is supposed to be a horror, it's a wannabe horror at best. D-

Overall Verdict: I really need to see an improvement in this in order for me to keep reading. Longer chapters, development (no more cardboard characters please!), originality (strong point on this), and more suspense! But so far, this is really laughable. Overall Grade: D-

P.S. I think the reason you have so many views is because you're a brand name; you did with two chapters what people have done with a whole series. =P

Im guessing it would get a better grade if you didn't keep thinking of Scream?

ExKizuna wrote:

tvguy347 wrote:Review on 1st and 2nd Chapters

Overall Grade: D-

Plot: I really didn't like the plot at all. :/ It seemed like something right out of Scream. It wasn't very original, and I was just bored. I've seen this before, it's been done. You're very original, but this just wasn't. I know you're extremely cable, but I felt this was just... I hate to say it, but half-assed. I don't think this rises up to your potential. It just fell flat for me, and was just bad. I'd like something really original, fun to read, and something that we're not savvy to, which I know you're capable of. The first chapter was so short, and it follows Scream exactly, with a first murder to start everything off. I know you can do so much more. This, however, will probably turn into a Scream carbon-copy, given the teenaged cast. :/ I expected so much more... F

Characters: These characters felt kind of cardboard, except for Whitney. It annoyed me how Mary so suddenly has a change of heart and decides to be 'bad.' It just fits too perfectly, on how she decides to go onto the chatting site, and the killer happens to be outside. I just didn't like it. But because Whitney did seem authentic, she alone saves this category from getting an F. D-

Dialogue: The dialogue was better, as much of your dialogue is. I especially loved Whitney's dialogue, as it really captured how a badass teen may act. A solid A, for me. A

Chapters: I honestly didn't like either chapter very much. The second one felt just like when the parents come home and discover their daughter dead in Scream, and the first one felt similar to Scream as well. But, yet again, Mary's discussion with Whitney saves this category from getting an F. I'd really like to see more development, and less copying, violence, and crummy suspense. Oh, the suspense! There was none. Everything was rushed and if this is supposed to be a horror, it's a wannabe horror at best. D-

Overall Verdict: I really need to see an improvement in this in order for me to keep reading. Longer chapters, development (no more cardboard characters please!), originality (strong point on this), and more suspense! But so far, this is really laughable. Overall Grade: D-

P.S. I think the reason you have so many views is because you're a brand name; you did with two chapters what people have done with a whole series. =P

Im guessing it would get a better grade if you didn't keep thinking of Scream?

What...? No...

And here's Chapter 3, aka the best chapter so far.

Chapter Three - Rachel Biller

The bell rang to signify the beginning of the day at Hershway High. But this was no ordinary day, as there were reporters and police officers everywhere.

Rachel Biller was at her locker, feeling extremely uncomfortable. The press weren't exactly friends to her lately, as her father just went to jail for killing a man and she was constantly being interviewed for claiming he was innocent.

Her friend Tara walked up to her, and patted her on the shoulder.

"You okay?" Tara asked her.

"Yeah," Rachel said. "What's all this about anyways?"

"You don't know?"

"No, what is it?"

"Mary Winstead was killed by some psycho last night."

"What? No way. We used to be friends way back in kindergarten."

"I know, really sad, right?" Tara said, even though she sounded like she didn't really mean it.

"Time for class," Rachel said.

"We might as well not even go," said Tara.

"Why?"

"Well, the police are obviously going to be interrogating everyone during class, so it'll be all... discombobulated or some shit like that. I bet we're just supposed to read or books or something, but no one has any books. So... we'll probably just be texting the whole class."

"Why not go to that?" Rachel laughed.

"I see your point."

The two of them walked towards the classroom, and on their way Tara ran into Henry Tolyn, her boyfriend.

"Hey babe," he said, and grabbed her ass.

"Hey," she said, and they started to kiss.

A teacher yelled at them for public display of affection and they stopped kissing. They made their way to class.

Rachel sat down in her seat and listened to the teacher talk about how today would be a bit different than normal because police officials would be talking to students, basically what Tara was saying to her earlier.

So, Rachel read her book. She was one of the few people in the class that actually had one. She was reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Stieg Larsson until the teacher called her name to talk to the police.

So she started her long, painful walk to the principal's office, the place she hated so much.

The principal was an awful man. He was one of her father's worst enemies, and hated her with a passion, taking out an ancient grudge on her. Apparently her father, Craig, had been friends with the principal, Eric Gray, during high school, but then Eric started to hang out with other people, and Craig didn't agree with him doing so, since he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. One day Craig straight-up told Eric in front of his new friends that they were all losers, low-lifes, and Eric beat the living hell out of Craig. From then on, they were pretty much sworn enemies, getting into loads of feuds.

And now, Principal Gray hated Rachel. She stepped into his office and sat in the chair she was so accustomed in sitting in after being accused of so much in her three years at Hershway High. Sheriff Marshall Kane was sitting in the seat opposite her, and Principal Gray was standing at the end of the table.

Sheriff Kane wasn't a huge fan of Rachel's either, as she fought for her father's innocence very much, and was quite a pain to the police force. Rachel was sure this would come to bite her in the ass in this investigation.

"Did you know Mary Winstead?" Sheriff Kane asked immediately.

"No hello?" Rachel asked with a sarcastic tone.

"Rachel, this is serious."

"Yes, I knew Mary. We were friends in kindergarten, but after that we grew apart. But yes, I did know her."

"Where were you last night?"

"I was at my house all night," Rachel answered.

"Were you on Omegle.com?"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Rachel, answer the man's question," said Principal Gray.

Rachel let out a deep sigh. "No, I wasn't. I didn't touch the computer. I was watching a movie."

"And what movie was that?" asked the sheriff.

"Scream," Rachel said. "I saw it was on cable but that stuff's all edited, so I put in my DVD and watched it."

"Interesting," said Principal Gray.

"What's interesting about that?" Rachel demanded.

"We looked at the records from a chat Miss Winstead was having on Omegle... the killer was wearing the mask from that series. Quite a coincidence, eh?" Sheriff Kane said, sounding very suspicious.

"That doesn't mean I did it!"

"It doesn't mean you didn't do it," said Principal Gray.

"This is none of your goddamn business!" she yelled at him. "Just because I was watching a movie doesn't mean I killed her. Seriously, you don't even have probable cause, Sheriff Kane! How could you even suspect me?"

"Everyone's a suspect," said Sheriff Kane.

"Yeah?" Rachel said. "And what would be my motive?"

"Maybe your father's arrest drove you to insanity," Principal Gray said. "Just like it did your mother."

"Don't you dare talk about my mother, you motherfucker!" Rachel yelled.

"I think this interview is over," Sheriff Kane said.

"Me too!" Rachel said angrily, and walked out, back to class. On her way back the bell rang, much to her relief.

She saw Tara in the hallway and they started talking.

"Okay, is it me or does this seem straight out of Scream?" Tara said.

"I know what you mean," said Rachel.

"I mean, did you hear? The fucking killer was even WEARING the mask from those movies! He's such a..."

"Wannabe?" Rachel laughed.

"Yeah, total wannabe!" Tara laughed with her.

Their friend Joel came up to them and said, "You guys talking about the killer?"

"Obviously," said Tara.

"Who do you think it is, Rach?" he asked.

"I have no idea," said Rachel. "How could I?"

"Everyone's guessing," said Joel. "I think it's Jason. First of all, he has the name of a killer, second of all, the guy is clearly a psycho.”

Jason Jenkins was the school outcast, and had shown some clear psychotic tendencies on numerous occasions. One time someone called him a freak, and he threatened to do some pretty gruesome things to him in return, resulting in a month-long suspension from the school.

“I’m sure he’s a suspect...” Rachel said. “But that doesn’t make picking on him less mean.”

“Whoops, forgot to care,” said Joel. “Seriously, that kid...” he shivered, “... yeesh.”

The three of them went to their next class. The rest of the day went on with some more interviews with the police, predictably. Eventually the day was over, and Rachel exited the school building, to be paraded by press.

“Rachel, how’s your mother doing?”

“Rachel, do you still think you father is innocent?”

“Miss Biller, do you have a comment about this murder?”

“Do you think this killer framed your father?” was used in a mocking tone.

Rachel had to stop for that last comment. “What I think right now is, fuck you. No further questions.”

She walked away, got into her car, and drove home, crying.

Eventually she got home and was greeted by her mother’s stay-at-home nurse, Greta.

“Hello, Rachel.”

“Hey Greta,” Rachel said. “How’s she doing?”

“I actually haven’t checked on her in a while. She was taking her nap. Maybe you could go check on her for me now, and I’ll start dinner.”

“Okay,” Rachel said.

She liked Greta. Ever since her mother lost her mind Greta had become a bit of a surrogate mother, even though she was a little too old to be one. Maybe a... surrogate grandmother? Either way, Greta was nice, and Rachel really enjoyed talking to her.

Rachel knocked on her mother’s door, and only heard loud cries. She immediately opened the door to see her mother rocking back and forth on the couch, sobbing hardly, her entire body shaking with fear.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” she ran towards her.

“You!” her mother yelled. “You bitch!” She immediately smacked her across the face.

Rachel frowned, but not much more. She was used to that. Her mother realized it was her seconds later, and cried harder.

“Oh, Rachel I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay, Mommy,” Rachel said glumly.

“I’m sorry!”

“Really Mom, it’s okay,” Rachel repeated. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad things... bad things are happening, Rachel.”

Rachel hugged her. “I know Mom, I know.”

Dialogue was cheesy, still no development (these new characters are even more cardboard than the characters from the ones from the first too), and it still wasn't very long. :/ It's just so rushed. I don't know if I'll be reading the upcoming chapters.

I loved it. The dialogue was fine, the new additions to the cast, I like. Rachel is my favorite newbie. Better than the mega shortness of the other chapters, though . But, I do think it was a teeny bit rushed, but not really.

i actually liked this chapter, 70s, keep it great work