Bikini Top: Zombie Edition

NOTE:

This show is rated TV-14-DLSVZ. Let me break down that rating for you.

TV-14: Parents Strongly Cautioned
D: Suggestive Dialogue - ohhh baby!
L: Suicidal Language - they're all .. dead!
S: Sexual Situations - ohh gimme some jex!
V: Violence - yeees!
Z: Zombies - awesome? I think so!

As you can see, this is not a show for Barack Obama and the serious man. I recommend it for a 9+ audience, since that's mainly the audience who watches parodies of shows.

In contrast with my adventurous thriller The Enchanted Sword, I'm making a complete parody of Bikini Top using zombies.

Season 1: The Season That Never Seems to End

• 1. Pilot
  

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Episode 1.1: Pilot

Do you know what it's like for everyone you know to be dead? To be completely f'd up in this world? To be the only survivor in a world full of cannibals that will rip your eyes out of its sockets and swallowed whole into the stomach of despair? Well? Do you?

My name is Bryan Errin, with two R's. I got it legally changed because Erin was too girly for my taste. My story begins with the car ride to the airport to live with my father.

I was sitting in a blue convertible in shotgun with my mother Zoë. I honestly don't give a firetruck about calling her my "mom," so I'll just refer to her as Zoë. I glanced over at her, smiled, and said, "When are we getting to the airport, ho?"

"Oh, just a few minutes, hun," she replied as she glanced over at me. Her hair was in a disheveled mess, her teeth was losing its whiteness, and her eyes were turning into a weird redish color. But, hey, I guess it's nothing to worry about.

I'm moving in with my father in this weird ass city called Bikini Top. From what I've heard, it's a weird place, but every time I hear the name, I look down and there's a surprise for me. Better than Bikini Bottom, for sure.

We arrived at the Bikini Bottom Airport and Zoë gave me my bags, smiled, and waved as I walked toward the entrance of the airport. As I was walking down the hallway, I heard a growling noise coming from behind me. It started creeping closer and closer as it sent shivers down my spine. I turned around only to find no one was there. Weird, right?

Anyway, I hopped on the airplane and flew to this city called WaterFalls. It's massively wet there and the humidity turned my luscious hair into an afro. Whatever. I looked to my right and found my father smiling. He was fat and had a big nose, similar to my buddy Squidward back home. I walked over and shook his hand. I wasn't about to hug that stupid slob - nasty!

We started walking toward his car when I noticed it was a puke-y green color. What a horrid color that is. I've always hated the color green. Honestly. I can't stand it. I guess it's mostly because my sister who died of cancer always shoved the green Teletubbie in my face. I'm glad that bitch is gone. "Surely that's not your car," I said, staring at the monstrosity that was the car.

"Nope." He then wobbled over to me and whispered in my ear, "It's yours."

SHIT.

Oh well, at least it was a car.

When we arrived at the house, my father gave me the grand tour of the house. His house had drastically changed since I remembered it fourteen inches ago. When he reached the upstairs hallway, he stopped. He appeared to be in deep thought, so I thought I'd continue on to my room.

And what a hot spot it was. It had a Hot Wheel bed in the center of the room with basketballs and goals lining the walls. That damn green Teletubbie was laying on the floor, so I picked it up using my elbows and threw it out the second story window. I then walked over to my closet to find a poster of the Backstreet Boys. Geez, what a weird kid I was.

The next day was my first day of school. It was piss-pouring rain outside so everyone was running into the building. Hell, I love rain. It's gloomy and just.. great.

When I walked into the school, I noticed everyone was walking down the hallway with their heads hunched downward toward the ground. As I kept walking, I noticed that these people had extremely pale faces and their eyes, too, were starting to turn red. They all look like Zoë, so I'll get along just well here at this school.

At the end of the hallway were these four teens. They, unlike the others, weren't hunched over. The first girl was an emo bitch named Anna. In her hands was a basket of wilted flowers - apparently she was my welcome wagon. Already I like this school. Standing next to her was this nerd named Trey. He had a vertical-striped shirt with overalls. I have a feeling I'm going to have a hard time getting along with him, but he's better than everyone else I've seen around here. The other two were the average joe couple named Jake and Morgan. They were very conservative, but in my mind, I totally could see them all over each other.

As the day progressed, I noticed that the hunchback people really took a liking for me. They would put their hand on my shoulder and say "Auuuuurrrrrarrgh!" I think it's Chinese for hello.

So far, so good. I'm already missing my hoe of a mother, but I could get used to living here.

I love this! And it reminds me how awful BT once was...

Can't wait for the next episode. ^.^