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Post by tvguy347 8/12/2011, 3:44 am

When SBC can't seem to get help, they get professional way


Last edited by tvguy347 on 8/13/2011, 4:52 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Post by DII117 8/12/2011, 7:26 am

I second that motion.
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Post by Metal Snake 8/12/2011, 10:04 am

Um, what is this?
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Post by Clappy 8/12/2011, 10:37 am

Shouldn't this be a lit?
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Post by teenj12 8/12/2011, 10:41 am

What Clappy said.
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Post by SOF 8/12/2011, 10:43 am

what they said.
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Post by tvguy347 8/12/2011, 2:03 pm

Not a lit. Watch.

~~~

Episode I: The First Look

"Dr. Fishkins, they're ready for you," a blond and pale-faced intern told the hairy and old doctor.

"Thanks Barbara, just send them in."

"Oh, Dr. Fishkins, this is a kinda big group."

"Oh, really?" He stepped into the small waiting room and gasped.

Sitting left to right, squished in chairs, were Clappy, 70s, tvguy, Jelly, jjs, Deli, Ex, OMJ, SOF, and Elastic.

~~~

"Okay, so what is your problem," Dr. Fishkins said. "I mean... er... problems."

"Well, we run a forum down with Deli and---"

"Oh, you a forum outside a deli? Good to know." Fishkins jotted something down.

"No, we run a forum WITH Deli," Ex continued.

"I'm Deli!"

"Oh... Deli is your... real name?"

"Yes... is there something wrong with that?" Deli asked quizzically.

"No, no... it's just a rather unusual name...," the doctor said and smiled.

"It's a UNIQUE name, punk," Ex said, clenching his fists.

"Oh... so I see you're the angry one..."

"Hey, hey, that's not necessary! Don't do that, or I'll delete your posts!" 70s said, and got up to face the doctor.

"What're you talking about?"

"Come on guys, let's just get along!" exclaimed Jelly.

"I'm jjs," said jjs.

"Is this SBM?" SOF asks.

"Okay, everyone just sit down," said Fishkins. They slowly did. "We'll try an exercise where you mimic the person that annoys you the most. 70s, you start."

"Alright," and 70s straightened up and in a nasally voice said, "Hi, I'm an annoying little bitch who won't leave 70s alone and is always coming up with ideas to "improve" the forum. I LOOOOOOOVEEEE Michael Scott and I'm a little halfwit. Durr da duurr da durrrrr!"

tvguy spoke up. "Yup, and I'm a bigass dictator names 70s and---"

"Bitch, bitch, bitch, tvguy, just shut up," 70s said.

"I wanna go," Ex said.

"What's going on?" SOF asked. "Are we in Spongebob?"

"Okay, Ex, I'm sorry, but I have to do this," Jelly said and stood up. "Hi, I'm a little Exxy and I'm a pompous little anti-Christ! I had premarital sex."

"Don't hate, Jelly!" Ex said.

"Ex, just shut up for once," tvguy snorted.

"tvguy, that's it, I'm going to kill you," 70s said.

In the background, the therapist slams the notebook against his head.

"You need help?" SOF asks, and he smacks the therapist in the head with his mallet.

~~~

"Okay, here's a new exercise," Dr. Fishkins says. "You hurt the people you don't like with these soft little bars."

"Mallet?" SOF asks.

"No, SOF, no mallet."

SOF began to cry.

"Mmkay, tvguy, I hate you," Deli said and smacked him in the eye with a little bar.

"YOU BITCH!"

"Don't call her a bitch! You're the noob in the room!" Ex said.

"Oh, really?"

(Camera pans out to see SOF in the background, picking his nose and bonking into the wall continuously)

"TVGAY WAT DOES REDMAN HAVE TO DO WITH WUMBO?!" SOF cried.

~~~

"Okay, NOTHING I do with you guys works," Fishkins says. "NOTHING."

"Orly?" 70s says.

"YES, REALLY."

"WHERE ARE WE!?" SOF cries.

Jelly slowly reaches behind, grabs SOF's mallet, and bonks SOF in the head.

~~~

Be sure to read Episode 2 and see how everyone gets treated!


NOTE: This is ENTIRELY a joke, nothing is serious, it's just something to laugh at. Silly Face! I don't mean anything I wrote.
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Post by Elastic Dog 8/12/2011, 2:06 pm

...The fuck did I just read?
Enjoyable, nonetheless.
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Post by ExKizuna 8/12/2011, 2:19 pm

For some reason, I really like SBC spin-off's/Lit.s, specially when they're nonsensical. Might tune in again.
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Post by OMJ 8/12/2011, 4:50 pm

That was a pleasure to read and made me lol. Can't wait to see more, brah.
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Post by JCM 8/12/2011, 6:20 pm

I am thoroughly amused.
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Post by Deli 8/12/2011, 6:25 pm

Super hilarious. Smile
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Post by tvguy347 8/12/2011, 6:35 pm

Thanks everyone! SOO Happy I didn't expect such positive feedback. ^.^
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Post by tvguy347 8/13/2011, 4:45 pm

Episode II: Let's Play a Game

"Mr. Fishkins, they're here to see you again," Barbara the pale-faced intern said.

"The large dysfunctional group?" he asked nervously.

"Yes. Do you want me to send them in?"

"God no, I need some time to prepare."

One Hour Later

"Are you ready now, sir?" Barbara asked, peeking in.

"What? Barbara, this is some serious business. These people have psychological needs and I will meet that. Give me like another day to prepare."

One Day Later

"Okay, they're back, sir," says Barbara. "Can I send them in now?"

"I'm not sure if I'm ready," he sighs.

"You've had a day and a half to prepare!"

Dr. Fishkins stares at her. "Fine, fine, send them in."

~~~

"You kept us WAITING," Ex says, as they make their way into the therapy room. "I don't like to be KEPT WAITING."

"Yes, I apologize for the delay. I was coming up with some new exercises."

"What are they?" 70s asks sarcastically.

"Good, enthusiasm!" Dr. Fishkins says. "Anyway, it took me a while to come up with this, but.... drum roll please!"

They remain quiet.

"Er... okay." He plops down a game board. "We'll play games!"

"It took you an entire day to come up with that?" spat Elastic. "HA!"

"Elastic, making fun of people is wrong."

"I wasn't making fun of you. Making fun of you is when I tell you that you're extremely old, you OBVIOUSLY pop a boner whenever we come in here, you're very stupid, and you have a distinct smell that remind me of death."

"Actually, that's not making fun of him, those are facts," Deli pipes in.

"OKAY! LET'S JUST PLAY, OKAY!"

"YEAH, LET'S PLAY!" Dragiiin screams, poking his head in through the window.

~~~

"Does everyone know how to play Charades?" Dr. Fishkins asks.

No reply.

"I'm assuming that means you all do... 70s, you can go first."

"Ugh, do I have to?" he says, sounding like a stereotypical high school girl.

"Yes, you do," he nods.

70s moans.

"I can't get up."

Dr. Fishkins stares at him. "Are you serious? You weigh like seventy pounds, get the hell up." 70s immediately gets up. The therapist makes a mental note in his head: They respond to cussing.

70s selects a card and groans. He begins to wave his hands in the air.

"UM... UM... JELLO! YOU'RE JELLO! JELLO, JELLO, JELLO! NO, I GOT IT, YOU'RE JELLO!" SOF screams

70s shakes his head.

"OH, THEN IT'S JELLO, IT HAS TO BE! JELLO! YOU'RE JELLO!"

"IF IT'S NOT RIGHT THE FIRST TEN TIMES, WHY THE HELL WOULD IT BE RIGHT THE NEXT TWENTY?!" 70s yells. "GOD!"

70s storms off to his seat.

~~~

"Okay, new game," says Dr. Fishkins. "It's called Monopoly!"

"Is it the Office version!?" says tvguy.

"Um... I didn't know they had an Office version..."

"They don't, tvguy's just being a douche again," 70s says.

"Coming from---"

"EVERYONE PLEASE SELECT YOUR TOKEN!"

~~~

Once everyone got their tokens, SOF went first and landed on Nimrod Place.

"Do you want to buy it?"

"YES, YES, YES!"

Jelly then rolled and went past SOF.

"HEEEEYYY!" SOF whined. "SHE PASSED ME!"

"Yes, those are---"

SOF picked up the board and began to bang it against the wall. After he banged it on the wall, he banged his own head against the wall and screamed, "IIIIIII HAAAAATTTTEEE THIIIIISSS GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMEEEE!"

~~~

"Okay, I have another game to play!"

"You seriously annoy the hell out of me, and make me want to kill you," mumbles 70s.

"Er... well... that's nice."

"Like really. I'm having daydreams of gouging your---"

"Hold on, 70s, save that for this next game!" Fishkins smiled weakly. "Basically, we tell each other how we FEEL. Now violence, just words. And try to fix yourself as to not offend each other. Who wants to go first?"

"I will," OMJ said. He straightens up. "I've always had a problem with you, Deli."

"Oh, really? Well, that's too bad you little---"

"Deli, let him finish."

"Deli, your Muppets seriously annoy me."

"SORRY FOR LOVING SOMETHING."

"No, I like things too."

70s snickered.

"It's just over at the forum, I ALWAYS find your Muppets all around my Sharing Time, and it's annoying."

"I LIKE MUPPETS," said Deli.

"I also like Muppets," said jjs.

"I hate Muppets," OMJ stated.

"Yeah, I hate Muppets too," said jjs.

"See, here's an example of how you're opinionless," said Ex.

"Yeah, I am opinionless," jjs replied.

Ex stared at him.... "You freak me out."

"Yeah, I freak myself out sometimes too."

"...how do you freak yourself out?"

[FLASHBACK

jjs walks by a mirror and screams as he sees his reflection. He runs around the room, banging into walls and knocking things over]

~~~

"Guys, we should all just get along," said Clappy. "I mean, I'm... I'm kinda drunk right now, but *burp* dammit, we need to... to... wait, wait, why is 70s so huge right now? HA!"

Dr. Fishkins looks at all of them. Clappy is drunk, 70s is blabbering to drunken Clappy, Elastic is flipping off the sky, tvguy is writing down ideas [the ideas are, 'LET'S GET NAKED' and 'SBC SHOULD BECOME AN AIRPLANE BECAUSE OUR GOAL IS TO GET AS BIG AS POSSIBLE!'], Jelly is curling her hair and watching Hungry Girl, SOF is banging his head against his phone and trying to learn how to use Twitter, Ex is shouting at everyone and getting angry, OMJ is bitching about how he's going to have leave SBC a billion times and then dramatically come back a few weeks later, and jjs is agreeing that Spongebob is amazing and that is sucks at the same time.

"This is going to be TOUGH," Dr. Fishkins mutters.

"FISHKINS CANZ I BE THERAPY WIT U?!" Dragiiin screams from the window.

"Huh? Do you have a Ph.D in Psychology?"

"Uh...," Dragiiin thinks. "I have a certificate of graduation of kindergarten. I think."

[FLASHBACK

"And that is your graduating class of kindergarteners!"

"TEACHER U NO CALL ME!" Dragiiin calls.

"Oh, that's right!" the teacher says. "And now, welcome our Non-Graduating Class of Failures!"

Two Years later

"WAIT A MINUTE!" Dragiiin says. ]

"Oh, good enough then," says Fishkins.

Tune in for Episode 3, as Dragiiin helps Dr. Fishkins!
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Post by that70sguy92 8/13/2011, 5:41 pm

Very good episode! Smile
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Post by Dragiiin123 8/19/2011, 10:06 pm

cant wait for me to THERAPIZE THE SHIT out of exkizuna and the SBC gang
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Post by tvguy347 8/22/2011, 9:41 pm

Episode III: Anger Management

"Dr. Fishkins, the big family is here again," Barbara beeped in.

"They're related?" he asked. They now communicated through a pager.

"I dunno."

"Alright, you can send them in."

"Wait, Mr. Fishkins, I have a mole on my back, but I don't think it's a mole... can you take a look at it?"

"I'm not that kind of doctor..."

"Oh..." she says.

Silence.

"Well can you look at it?"

He sighs. "Fine."

~~~

"So, you're all back. Again...," Dr. Fishkins said.

"None of us WANT to be here... you know we only came because of a public disturbance and the damn feds forced us to?" Ex said.

[FLASHBACK

"I LOVE MANGA AND ANIME," Ex screams at the TV, which is showing a cheaply made anime.

"Ex, did you NOT do the dishes again?" Deli asks, walking up.

"DELI, I'M WATCHING ANIME."

"Yes, I can tell," she said and rolls her eyes. She sniffs. "Ex... I smell... is that urine?!"

"EX WATCHING ANIME," Ex says.

"And you were too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom? Which is like five feet down the hallway?"

"Deli, you don't understand anime. It's a VERY complicated show and I can't miss one second."

"What?" They turn to look at the TV which shows a picture of a banana.

"AND FOR ONLY $200 EACH, YOU CAN GET THIS RARE YELLOW CURVED FRUIT!" the TV guy says.

"NOOOO!" Ex cries.

"WHY MUST PEOPLE LIE?!" Deli grabs the bananas on the table behind her. "We need to get the yellow curved fruit, and dump this shit out.

"THIS JUST IN!" the TV guy announces. "SCIENTISTS HAVE JUST DISCOVERED LITTLE TREES!" Broccoli is shown on the screen.

"NOOOOO!" Deli screams.

Ex laughs.

"What's funny?" Deli asks.

"Hahhaha," he says. "It's funny... I don't eat broccoli." They both laugh and proceed to destroy the room. ]

"Why'd you guys get quiet?" Dr. Fishkins asks.

"It's called having a flashback, dumbass," says Ex.

"ANYWAY... I'd like to introduce my new partner!"

Bangs above the ceiling and then Dragiiin's feet stick out from an air duct.

"Uh... Fishkins? I'm stuck," he calls.

"Hold on, I'll get a broom..."

~~~

"Okay, guys, I've made up an all new exercise!" Fishkins says.

They say nothing.

"ME TO," says Dragiiin. "WE ALL GET ALONG."

"Okay, Dragiiin, I thought we agreed in the break room that you'd let me do the talking," says Fishkins, facepalming.

"HUH?"

"Okay, never mind, shut up."

"Don't tell Dragiiin to shut up," said Ex. "You're the one who needs to shut up. You psychologists think you're so smart, with your big words and shit."

"What? I hardly ever use big words!" Dr. Fishkins said. "I'm very relaxed and calm."

"Yeah! I think you used sopohticated once."

"Sopohticated?"

"Yeah, sophticated."

"You mean sophisticated?" said Fishkins, raising a brow.

"That's what I said, stupid." Ex rolls his eyes.

"Okay, SPELL 'sophisticated.'" Fishkins crosses his arms.

"Pssh, easy!" Ex says. He moves his lips slightly and moves his eyes upward in thought. He stops, and his brow furrows. For some reason he uses his fingers, counting before finally saying, "This is therapy, not English! Learn how to do your job, Fishkins!"

~~~

"Okay, anyway, my new exercise involves singing!" says Fishkins.

70s grins while Jelly mopes.

"First off, we'll watch the TV show Glee and American Idol for reference."

"HELL YEAH!" cries 70s and Ex.

A plasma screen TV is rolled in by Dragiiin and Ex and 70s scream louder.

~~~

"Dragiiin, can you press play?" Fishkins says, taking a seat against the wall.

"I thought this was a TV, not a play."

"No, the button. Press play."

"Is this is?" Dragiiin presses a button and static forms on the screen. "Uh, Fishkins, the play is fuzzy."

"Good lord," mutters Fishkins and gets up to do it himself.

~~~

The show starts and 70s and Ex howl in excitement. Characters move on screen.

"Which one's Glee?" SOF asks.

"Glee is the show, idiot," Ex comments. 70s doesn't notice, completely absorbed in the show. Characters begin to sing.

"Okay, pause it, Drag--- never mind, I'll do it." Fishkins gets up and pauses it. "See, these kids use singing as an outlet. They're all really close and---"

"Wow, you do NOT know Glee," 70s says, scratching his head.

"Excuse me?"

"You do NOT know Glee," 70s repeats.

"Bitch, I've been watching Glee since the fucking first episode. SO SHUT THE HELL UP!" screams Fishkins. "I mean... er... I'm sorry for that. But really, let's keep personal matters out of it and keep watching."

The show resumes and SOF begins to sing along.

"SOF, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ex cries.

"I GLEE!" he says gleefully.

Ex tackles him and Fishkins jumps to try and separate them. Dragiiin is clapping.

"Look, Fishykin, it's a real play!"

~~~

"Okay, hopefully--- just HOPEFULLY --- American Idol will get us back on track," Fishkins says and he starts the video.

A contestant with a tiny dress on comes into the room and Ellen's eyes light up.

"What're you going to sing for us?" Simon says.

"Yeah, dawg!"

"This is BULLSHIT," OMJ cries and throws his wallet at the screen. "C'mon, let's watch some wrestling or something! Cause y'know, I'm in the air force, so I like things manly!"

"Shut up OMJ, I draw well but I don't shove it in people's faces!" says Jelly.

"Yes you do!" Clappy cuts in. "It's always, 'CLAPPY I DREW MORE BEATLES FAN ART!' And I always have to be, 'Great...' when really I'm like OH REALLY, AND WHAT ELSE IS NEW?"

"I like The Muppets," Deli says. "But I never tell ANYONE about it."

"Are you kidding?" Elastic says. "HONESTLY."

"What? I DON'T!"

"LOOK SIMON BEIN MEAN," SOF says, entranced in the show.

"Okay, Katie, I HAVE to be honest with you," Simon says. "That version of Hey Jude---"

"HEY LOOK, THE BEATLES," Jelly screams.

"--- honestly makes me what to puke up blood. It makes me what to sit on your face, and emit my human gases into your mouth. That's HOW much I hated you. I say no to Hollywood. Just... as the cool kids say today, you're a toad."

"Okay, um, that's NOT what people say," Ellen says. "But that was good, but what does good mean? Good means good, jelly means jelly, people have sex, but I mean what does it all mean? What does it all mean? Who made us? Are we creatures or human?"

"Okay, I'm sorry," Dr. Fishkins says, stopping the video. "I just... can't stand Ellen's rambles."

~~~

"For our final exercise of the day---"

"But we haven't done any exercises today besides watching two half-assed shows," tvguy says.

"For our first and final exercise---"

"See, that's what you should've said the first time," says Ex.

"YEAH PROFESSER GUY U SHUDA DONE THAT," Dragiiin says as he jams a banana into his eyes.

"Anyway, for our exercise we'll be dealing with anger management. Now who here suffers from anger management?"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE IMPLYING YOU HALF-WIT DIPSHIT?" Ex screams.

"HEY THAT RHYMED!" SOF screams.

"I KNOW!"

"Uh... okay, then." Fishkins marks a box next to Ex's name on the paper that says 'Needs Psychological Treatment.' "So, I'd like to start with everyone stating what really bothers them. Jelly, would you like to start?"

"Well... sure," she sighs. "One thing that annoys me is how I'm the only female on SBC. It's just... really annoying being the ONLY girl."

Deli is fuming. "I'm a girl too, Jelly."

Jelly looks at her with spunk and laughs. "Honey, you ain't a girl!" She chuckles.

"Dr. Fishkins, I'd like to go next," Deli says, turning red.

"You may."

"I've always hated Jelly. She smells like strawberries, she's always bitching about the Beatles, and---"

"Hey, and YOU'RE bitching about the Muppets 24/7!"

"Guys, guys, the Muppets and Beatles have been parodied already," says tvguy. "Do something else."

"Oh... well, I have dogs," said Deli.

"YUP, I KNEW SHE HAD A PENIS," Jelly screams.

"And one of them ran away," Deli says =/.

"TVGUY, PUTTING THAT IN YOUR SPIN OFF IS VERY INSENSITIVE. YOU'RE STUPID. GO AWAY NIMROD," 70s screams.

"Okay, 70s, you're going to a special place," Dr. Fishkins says. Two men come in and carry 70s away.

"BYE 70S HAV GOOD TIME1!!!11111111!!!111!!!" Dragiiin hollers.

~~~

"Dr. Fishkins, are you a homosexual?" Ex asks.

"Huh?"

"No, I'm totally not coming on to you. Why would you think that?"

"I never said you were..." Fishkins eyes him weirdly before leaving.

~~~

"Hey, OMJ, can I come home with you?" jjs says. "I have no where else to go."

"Dude, aren't you like 13?"

"Yes."

"I'm 65. People would get angry, thinking I like molested you or something."

"Oh, that's true," jjs says.

Silence.

"Sooo, can I come over?"

OMJ says, " Facepalm "

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Post by ExKizuna 8/22/2011, 9:50 pm

MOARMOARMOARMOAR

MOOOOOOOOOORE.
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Post by that70sguy92 8/27/2011, 11:26 pm

That episode was okay. Not as good as the first 2.
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