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The top 3 ugliest cars

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The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Guest on 7/7/2011, 4:30 am

Maddox wrote:I'm noticing that the big trend in the auto industry lately has been to go bankrupt by making cars that look as shitty as possible. I don't get it, things were going fine and then all of a sudden everyone starts coming out with these giant stupid plastic looking turds on wheels. I thought that nobody would buy them, but a mere glance down the streets killed my theory and proved once and for all that rich people must buy shitty cars because they lack class (at least while the cars are still new so they can grab a piece of that sweet packaged individuality). So I've collected four of the ugliest and rated them for your convenience.

For my ratings, I'll be using the "Gary Busey scale of ugliness," where a rating of 0 means least ugly, and a rating of Gary Busey means obnoxiously ugly.



1: Subaru Baja



This is easily one of the dumbest looking cars I've seen in years. It's a car with an identity crisis: it can't decide whether it wants to be a car or a truck, so it tries to be both and the result is a goofy looking cross between the back end of a Datsun pickup truck and the front half of one of those dog shit $5 canvas sneakers from Walmart:

+

Then, as if they haven't given your eyes enough of a beast raping, they tack on two tons of ugly plastic trim on the side and paint it shiny so people will know that your dumb ass is coming from miles away.



2: Pontiac Aztek



With this car, Pontiac has set out to finish what Cortez started by pilfering the Aztecs of their last remaining treasure: their name. Except Pontiac spelled it with a "k" because spelling words inkorrectly is totally kool TO THE MAX.

I can just imagine the designers brainstorming, when suddenly the bosses son came up with this cock barf: "hey, let's make the back end of the car look like a deformed rhombus, and while we're at it, let's smash two cars on top of each other for the front half and call it a day!" The double grill disaster they have going on in the front sets a new benchmark for stupid grills (a title previously held by the Cadillac Escalade).

The end result is a car that Montezuma himself would be proud to drive, had his entire civilization not been savagely murdered by blood sucking Spanish conquistadors. Then again, even people from the 14th century probably had better taste than the putzes who buy cars today.



3: Chevy Avalanche



Nothing says versatile like a truck made out of rubber. Chevy decided to subscribe to the "tack as much shit on the sides as you can" school of thought, throwing two or three tons of trim on the sides like the Subaru Baja.

It almost looks like a Transformer, but since Transformers are badass (except for when the creators were temporarily abducted by aliens and a shitty-cartoon chip was implanted in their brains that caused them to make the short lived "Beast Wars" series), it was hard for me to find a Transformer lame enough to do the Avalanche justice. Alas, the first one who came to mind is the one I eventually went with:



Bumblebee's sole purpose in the show was to run around and shove his fist up people's asses while their backs were turned. Maybe that wasn't his goal verbatim, but the fact remains: nobody knew what Bumblebee's real purpose was other than getting in the way of the most badass Transformer ever (next to Unicron): Star Scream.

Oh yeah, about the Avalanche: it's a piece of shit, and the type of people who would drive it are the same type of people who spend their Saturday nights changing their corn pads while listening to country music, which also happens to suck rhinoceros cock, but not as much as the Chevy Avalanche.



That about does it, I hope this guide helps you avoid buying a shitty car.


Last edited by ACSBehemothHellcat on 7/7/2011, 5:01 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] on 7/7/2011, 4:45 am

Did you pull this off of somewhere?
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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Guest on 7/7/2011, 4:46 am

ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] wrote:Did you pull this off of somewhere?

What are you talking about?

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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] on 7/7/2011, 4:54 am

You got it off Maddox's page, huh?
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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Guest on 7/7/2011, 4:56 am

ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] wrote:You got it off Maddox's page, huh?

xD, I've been caught HAHA

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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by ExKizuna on 7/7/2011, 6:32 am

[quote="ACSBehemothHellcat"]
ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] wrote:You got it off Maddox's page, huh?[/quote[

xD, I've been caught HAHA
I love how you think you've been caught, but you had the quote say "Maddox said", which you obviously had to put in yourself. So..You were really never hiding anything, anyway Silly Face!


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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Dragiiin123 on 7/7/2011, 9:01 am

maddox is pretty rad so
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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Guest on 7/7/2011, 6:16 pm

ExKizuna wrote:
ACSBehemothHellcat wrote:
ketsuekiran. [血液蘭] wrote:You got it off Maddox's page, huh?

xD, I've been caught HAHA
I love how you think you've been caught, but you had the quote say "Maddox said", which you obviously had to put in yourself. So..You were really never hiding anything, anyway Silly Face!

No no, after ketsuekiran found it I took it from Maddox's page, I edited it to quote him Silly Face!

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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Elastic Dog on 7/11/2011, 12:05 am

Maddox fucking rules. ACS, my respect for you just went up about 60 percent.
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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by tvguy347 on 7/11/2011, 12:06 pm

HEHEHE...





I'M GOING TO SLEEP. OR WATCH GEORGE LOPEZ. WASTING TIME ON HERE NOT SLEEPING IS SHAMEFUL TO ME. GOODNIGHT.
~Person on the Xat
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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

Post by Guest on 7/11/2011, 4:33 pm

tvguy347 wrote:HEHEHE...


Yeah that's Maddox HAHA

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Re: The top 3 ugliest cars

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